I don't feel OK. A few days had passed and none of the things that happened in between looked good. It's the waiting game again, with me on the losing side just like last time.

What if we lose it this time, what would happen? The answer that came back was not unexpected. They'll split the whole thing up three ways, so that everybody can lose instead of just two parties. I can say that it's the most stupid choice one can make.

But they say it's either the goes on as planned or that each and every one of us would drown as one. No third choices and no take-backs.

I lost most of my appetite just thinking about it.

Grandmother's health doesn't look so good either. Muscular degeneration is pretty much apparent on all limbs. Mental regression and the lost of speech becomes more and more pronounced in the past few months. The same goes with the severity of her incontinence.

The whole ordeal demanded a lot from the relatives taking care of her, and on the previous trip back I found her incapable of sitting upright anymore.

It's just her and her low air bed now, well...at least that and sleep.

Hekh, her hands and feet were so cold.

Thinking about all of this soured up my heart. I wanted to do something about all this, but I lacked the funds and a solid plan to make the crucial difference.

I blame only myself for all this.

Labels: Mile 8