Honestly I didn't know at first. But considering what I've seen, I think it's quite fitting.

Labels: Sandakan, sorrow

The last paper this year was just a few minutes away.

I was sitting there, and the cold had not reached too deep yet.

I took a sip of water, but it tastes like blood, and all of a sudden a great feeling of dread came over me.

Uih nah, pembalasan dari dunia mana ini?

Wa jvuh bhyi yvuoh dhvui elah, hvu jviang bhao shvuk ah!

Labels: epic fail

I heard that Fong Seng's little pet project was nearing completion, and that the projected end result looked glorious. This little news brought a slight bitter taste to my mouth. Truly now!

I wonder what would he think, having to wake up everyday at the sight of that thing. Regret, anger, annoyance? Or would he feel nothing of it, having pushed every single future decision out of his hands?

Hn.

The whole thing's certainly beyond any of us now. It's no more than just a waiting game now, and with the recession hitting, I doubt that it would come any time soon.

But I wonder, if things were to happen differently, I'd probably be sailing the high seas and messing around with underage girls by now. Hehe.

Truth is, no matter what I see now, there ain't not much left of it. The magic of pansies or any other female with a makeup kit woke me up in a bad way. I've been duped way too many times already.

So, what now?

GDL, perhaps.

I can nearly see it.

Labels: Sandakan, sorrow

Some guy called my mom at the office today, talked in a very low voice. Sounds young, and sounds like me.

Mom just said, "hello, who's there?" and after a brief moment of silence, the guy just broke out crying. Pathetic.

"Ma, I got caught and they beat me up, you gotta save me!" he implored. In mandarin.

Mom got worried, she thought that I was in trouble, probably at the mercy of uncouth Hokkien degenerates.

The tears and the crying and desperation sounds very real, very practised.

"Where are you now?"

The crying did not stop, no coherent answer.

Major flaw there, for she knew that I rarely used mandarin back at home. Nor would I cry so hard if I got beaten up or captured.

"Now tell me, what's your name?"

More crying, probably a few choked sobs in between-gotta keep it real ya know.

"C'mon, tell me your name and where you are."

He told her that he couldn't, for they would beat him up again if he did. Hm, how odd. I thought real kidnappers would want to encourage that, since bits and pieces of genuine information dropped here and there would really give the general impression that someone is really in trouble, even if it may or may not be me she's talking to.

She passed the phone to my aunt, and called me through her cell. She wouldn't explain much then, and just told me not to leave the house for the moment.

My aunt, on the other hand, continued to grill the fella, but after two more attempts at getting him to tell his name and location, he hung up. That left them feeling slightly panicky. The office phone did not have the ability to record incoming numbers.

They later figured out that there had been similar incidents happening throughout the country. The papers did a cycle on it not too many editions ago. Apparently, it ran most rampant throughout the Peninsular, with stories about Hokkien and Cantonese speaking mothers suddenly had their children calling for help and ransom money in Mandarin. All lies.

Now, it seems that they grew enough balls and prepaid credit to phone random numbers in Sabah. They must have thought that wired cash is much easier to handle than loot dropped at designated rubbish bins. Maybe the shorter phone numbers doesn't tire up their dirty fingers as much as those longer KL ones.

Now that this thing had reached my ears, I must say, I don't know what kind of appropriate feelings should I really have now. These days, my temper ain't so great, ya know.

But know this, by antagonizing my family, threatening them with the suffering and possible lost of their kin, and aiming for money and benefits surrendered not by honest means, but through that of grief, fear and tears, you now made yourself a new enemy.

Know this very well, if I ever found out who you are, you better hope that your prayers are well rehearsed by heart, for I will not let you go, nor will I forgive this trespass and fakery.

I care not if there's just one of you or a legion. If you would to show as much as just an inch of your foul tail again in my life, I'll hunt you down.

Oh, by the way, if you can still dream, you better dream about me. Yes, me, in front of you, smiling, and you might even like it. It all depends on you, you see. Now, look closer, at my hands, or better yet, my fingers, at least three inches in your scamming neck. For me, I'd like it better if you would just look at your own face changing colours with dramatic effect, with your body using up whatever little air that's still left in your lungs. Sometimes, it's like one of those things that bite but doesn't really draw blood nor holes. Hehe.

Labels: crime, impostor, real life, scam

I saw her again on the third day of Chinese New Year, and like last year she taught me a little bit more about playing cards.

But I can say this,

She's more beautiful than ever before. Charismatic and utterly stylish, she remained one of those few people who is completely at ease with herself and the rest of the world.

After a brief stay at her place, I went on to another friend's house, there's a sizable group there playing 2 Dots with high stakes, but their caper and gambling wasn't as lively as last year's session.

Chinese New Year was a lonely, quiet and rainy affair. There ain't so many Kirins roaming the streets anymore. Grandmother got sick, and a few hypocrites showed their ugly faces.

Hurm, what else to say....

My blood pressure was a bit low, they say, but it's ok.

Before I came back here, I dreamt of a scorpion as small as a thumb, and it shook me up.

Hahahah. So what?

Does it matter?

For now, I felt lonely, far more lonelier and unsure of myself than ever before.

My time is short.

Heh.

Labels: love, sickness, sorrow

I decided to iron out some problems that held me up last year, and I've come to a conclusion.
____________________________________________________________________________________

The Slow Dancer

Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer

Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.

While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.

Always avoid: The Battleaxe (DBLM)

Consider: The Maid of Honor (DGLM), The Sonnet (DGLD)

Link:The Online Dating Persona Test
____________________________________________________________________________________

Your result for The Your Type of Girl Test...

The Bad Girl

53% Sexy-Cute, 30% Dark-Light, 58% Artsy-Stylish

The above combo can't really work out, so I might as well give up.

Then there's my overall health, which didn't really fare well for the final quarter of last year.

And then there's this:

How troublesome!

Labels: sorrow

They say that this is the time people actually have the time and mood to throw out lavish parties and organize elaborate dinners, with nice desserts set in those tiny frosted glasses as well as fireworks and good wine when the clock struck 12.

This, they say, is also the time most people will think back on what they have done for the past 12 months, as well as to reevaluate their plans for the future.

Sigh.

For me, I see nothing but setbacks and missed chances. The deterioration of the person, as well as the degeneration of qualities in many many areas.

Still so weak, still so small and ignorant. Lazy, and for the love of Jaffa a procrastinator of the most hideous kind.

How loathsome!

Labels: sorrow