I've entered 2012 without much fanfare, but the pressure is still there.  I keep failing myself.  I've hit the lowest point of my life, and climbed out of it changed indefinitely.  I've lied to myself, and even betrayed myself!

Words cannot express how hurt I am.

Year after year after year, with no ending in sight.  No easy solution, no clear way out.  Me?  I keep doubting myself every step of the way.  I hesitate too much.  I freeze up when big things start coming, much to my detriment.

If I my problems can be plainly visualized, it would be something like this:

I'm at the bottom of a deep pit, deep enough that I can't climb out.  There are chains binding me from every direction, so I can't really move every way I want.  Add a mountain or two on my shoulders for every year that went by.

But, really now.

I can't save myself.

I desire freedom, but it is always out of my reach.

Sigh, I'll give myself 10 more years.

I'll fight with everything I have, and if I still can't get out, I'll figure something out.

But heh, I am such a useless piece of trash.